some FREE pearls of wisdom

‘Free’ is an intriguing and often misunderstood concept. I am putting the word here in quotation marks to highlight it as the subject of a critical examination. The quotation marks act as a question mark. I wish to question the meaning of free. This interpretation of the concept of free is not theoretical but rather practical. I am examining the everyday use and meaning of ‘free’ as it is expressed in our lives (by us I mean Americans who are similarly economically and culturally situated.)
A month ago my friends and I went to a bar on a Monday night to participate in a pub quiz. There was a section concerning portmanteaus (two words that are pressed together into one word). One of the questions asked, “who is a person who looks for free passes to movies, or cuts off other drivers?” The answer was - a passhole. My friends and I laughed at this term and we began to use it in conversations. We adopted a broader meaning of the term to encompass not only a person who looks for free movie passes but anyone who looks for any kind of free things or free activities. We joke that if you are looking for such a deal you are, “exercising your passholeness.” I will admit right now that I am a serious passhole. I always have my eyes out for free deals. In the last nine months my passhole urges have been insatiable. But recently I have begun to question the value of being a passhole, especially after more deeply examining the deceptive concept of ‘free’.
There are a variety of free things one can find. Newspapers give out free movie passes. There are contests for free airplane and concert tickets. There are free band performances, dj shows, comedy acts, and improv skits. One can take free introductory physical fitness classes such as yoga, pilates, martial arts classes, and dance classes. Bars give out free drinks in open bar hours. Offices, meeting places, and banks give out free coffee, cookies, and cakes. Breweries and distilleries offer free tasting samples. Internet companies offer free shipping and grocery stores offer ‘buy one get one free’ deals on merchandise. There is a huge world of free for passholes to take advantage of, but is any of it really free?
Free has many meanings and definitional contexts but the one I am going to work with here is, “Costing nothing; gratuitous.” Fittingly, I acquired this definition from freedictionary.com. The internet is a place where many things are offered for the price of free. Embedded within the concept of free is the idea that there is no cost or penalty for an item or a service. One acquires a benefit without having to pay for it. The opposite of a free acquisition is a trade, wherein one person exchanges one thing for something else. In our society this is often an exchange of a good or service for cash but in other societies this can be conducted as a straight barter. In trading we gain something and give something of equal value in return, in a free exchange one party gains something and gives nothing in return. But is there such a thing as a free exchange? Even the term exchange implies some sort of reciprocity. I would argue that there is no such thing as a free lunch and that everything has a price.
First off, let’s look at my acquisition of a definition from the free online dictionary. While I did not have to submit my credit card number and pay a fee to gain access to the definition, I was submitted to several advertisements while my browser was on the site including one for acai berry, a teeth whitening product, and the telecommunications company Verizon. Many free services sell advertising space to make money. Bit torrent clients make their cash through ads as well as television shows. So should being subjected to ads be considered a cost? I think so. Advertisements demand my attention, subjecting me to their displays without my express consent. They also work nefarious deeds upon my subconscious, motivating me to be a mindless consumer. Advertisements are designed with human psychology in mind and they often motivate us to purchase products. I would argue that a person who watches a lot of tv is much more likely to buy an assortment of consumer goods which they see advertised on their television sets than a person who watches little or no television. So the cost of these free products translates directly into a dollar amount which is spent on purchasing the goods and services which are offered on television.
Now I want to examine the idea of free food and drink, a big category in free. Oftentimes groups will wish to have their events well attended and will offer free food and drink to incentivize participation. Of course, the food and drink are supposed to be an added bonus to the event, not a main draw in themselves. But many a scavenging passhole take advantage of such events for purely gastro-hedonistic purposes.
Last week I attended an admitted students event at Lewis and Clark law school. While on a tour of the campus I talked with a current 1L student. I told him that I had heard that the school was having difficulty drumming up volunteer students for the event because it was occurring the week before spring break. He told me that this was true but that he was participating because he could get free food and beer out of the Friday reception as long as he volunteered on Saturday. Of course as commensurate passholes we got along right away and chatted for a bit more. I told him that I had attended a talk at the law school by a constitutional law scholar where free pizza had been offered. He informed me that this was a common practice at the school and that almost every day one could find events at lunch time which proffered free food and drink. While we chortled over our thrifty ways my mind’s proverbial wheels began to turn and I started to question whether we were being quite as smart as I thought we were.
I think free food and drink have some intangible costs. One tangible cost of free food and drink is ‘time.’ Many times free food events require that you sit and listen to a lecture or speech in return for enjoying the sampling of foods. The law student I talked to complained that when he would take advantage of free food on campus he would have to sit through an hour long talk during a time when he would normally be getting work done for class. Another intangible cost is one’s health. Oftentimes free food and drink are of the unhealthy variety. Free food is often sugary and loaded with carbohydrates. When I worked at an office there would often be free cake for people’s birthdays and on every other Friday there would be complimentary donuts, pastries, and bagels. Free food is rarely good, healthy food and it is often food that you would not normally eat. But because it is ‘free’ one will eat foods one would normally avoid for health concerns. Sometimes I even use deals as an excuse to myself for eating something unhealthy, “well I wouldn’t normally eat ice cream but it’s dollar scoop day at Baskin Robbins sooo…” Also, Having a great urge to eat free food distracts you from a very simple and truthful motto, ‘eat when you’re hungry.’ We should be eating according to our need, not according to when we can get food for free. Free drinks are another unhealthy category. They are often sodas or coffee. I rarely see juice or other healthy beverages being offered for free. Also, at open bars which serve complimentary alcoholic drinks people will often get much more intoxicated than they would under other circumstances. They think, “hey it’s free so I might as well drink as much as I can.”
A recent episode of the Office reflects the last negative effect of putting too much value in free food. In this episode the sales team begins to think that they rule the office. Members of the sales team order other employees around in a demeaning fashion. When the rest of the office revolts the sales team realized that they cannot afford to alienate their fellow employees. They discuss giving the rest of the office a percentage of their commission as a reconciliation gesture. Instead they offer them cookies, donuts, and coffee. While the office people greedily chow down, Stanley, who didn’t realize that they had given the snacks in lieu of a cut of their commission, makes an angry comment about the commission, potentially ruining the plan. At this point Jim cuts him off and says, “they have accepted our simple offer of treats, nothing more.” This illustrates an important point about free treats; they distract us from what is truly important. We should not value treats as of primary importance in our lives. Careers, relationships, culture, intellectual stimulation, and creative expression should all be valued over treats. When we put our passhole goggles on we forget the things that really have value in our lives.
By the end of my analysis I have discovered that free isn’t all it’s cracked up to be (unless you straight up steal, but that comes with its own problems). With that said I am still going to free promotions, but trying to cut back on the relative importance which I allocate to them. Of course, the first step to recovery is admitting one’s problem. So I’m going to stand up and say it proudly, “My name is David and I am a passaholic.”

DIALOGUE WITH A PORTER

People are really interesting. I love talking to people who have vastly different life experiences than I do. Some of the best stories are from people who are incredibly passionate about something that I have no interest in at all. For instance, accounting bores me to tears but if an accountant described his love for his profession to me I would be intrigued. It’s fascinating to discover what people put meaning to in their lives and what things they decide to invest time in. Last weekend I took a trip up to Seattle to ostensibly visit a law school. The school offered to pay my travel expenses so I decided to squeeze in a quick 24 hour trip between two work days. I had some interesting encounters with a woman who was establishing her own food cart in north Portland, a worker at a hostel who enjoyed break dancing, and a workaholic Serbian who had his sights set on Alaska. But the most surprising and enjoyable encounter occurred on my ride back to Portland on Amtrak. Tired and hungover I spent most of my time in the bistro cart, chugging waters and desultorily staring at the scenery passing by. I noticed that the gentleman manning the snack counter was the same individual who had worked on the train on my ride up. I had only spoken enough words to him to politely order a coffee on the way up but this time I decided to ask him a few questions.

At first glance he seemed rather dull. He was a hefty fellow with a large, bushy brown beard and he served food and drinks without much emotion, ringing people up and then returning to his seat behind the counter to gaze out the window. I could tell he was bored and how long his work shift ran. This led to a twenty minute narrative about his life. All I had to do was nod appreciatively and ask simple, leading questions in order to keep the story going.

First, my train friend gave me some details about the lifestyle of a person who works for Amtrak. He had worked in both long haul and short haul train routes. Currently, he works the Vancouver BC to Portland route. He has one day a week where he works an 18 hours shift, two days where he works a short shift, then three days off. In the past he worked the train that traveled from Seattle to Chicago. Doing this trip there and back would take a little over a week. While he was on the train he would work 18-22 hours per day. When he did get a chance to sleep he was relegated to a sleeping cabin that was the size of a spacious coffin. The train would arrive in Seattle and he would have one epic night out and then the next day he would return to the cramped confines of the train. He told me that as long as the people on the crew were cool then it was a tolerable existence but if the crew didn’t get along then the narrow hallways of the cars began to feel like prison cells. He told me that one of the benefits of the long hours and poor conditions were that he got a full week off at a time so he had tons of mini-vacations throughout the year. And with all the overtime money he had accrued he was able to go out to eat, see shows, and generally enjoy himself.

This fellow (let’s call him George because I forgot his name) had done more with his life than working on a train. He had completed two years with Americorps NCCC. One year he worked in several schools, including one for youth offenders. The other year he worked outdoors, mostly across the Midwest, building schools, and maintaining park trails. He is also a perennial student. He has attended eight institutions of higher education, including Evergreen College. While he has lots of credits he is nowhere near attaining a degree because he took a random collection of courses. He opted to take classes that interested him rather than focusing on particular subject areas. Two of the schools he attended give write ups as their form of assessment rather than grades, making transferring credits difficult. George plans to continue his education at a school called Naropa University (also named the Jack Kerouac school of disembodied poetics) in Colorado. This school was established by Alan Ginsberg in the 1970’s. It borrows many ideas from eastern religion and students can choose some unique educational options, such as living in a Buddhist monastery and taking a vow of silence for a semester. George hopes to use his time at Naropa to hone his writing skills in short fiction.

What a life George has had. I was impressed by the variety and breadth of his work and school experience. While I don’t envy his job, I do hope that when I am his age I have just as interesting a story to tell to another young person who is just beginning his or her own life journey.